I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just invented taco cereal.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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