Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
