went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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