Will you blow on my dice?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
