If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
