The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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