She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
