:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
