If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize