It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
