i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
