look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
