The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
