I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
