I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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