Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize