after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
