i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
