Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
