Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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