Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
