The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
