We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
