is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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