Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
