I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
