She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
