no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
