his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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