you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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