you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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