I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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