I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
