shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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