we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
