You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
