Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
