went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
