Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
