I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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