what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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