We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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