If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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