pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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