lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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