i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
