cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's the barista slut.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
