Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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