I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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