No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
