listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
