i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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