Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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