i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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