Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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