if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
