I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
