I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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