I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
