So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
