**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
