You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I'm really busy with my period
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
