i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
