I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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