once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
