Duck Duck Cougar?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
