Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
