i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
