im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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