I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
