so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
