I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
