definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
