my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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