The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
